Home News Cheers and Jeers: Monday

Cheers and Jeers: Monday

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Senator Ron Johnson (R-WI) continues to keep up that there was no menace from the “patriotic” white Trump supporters who rioted on the Capitol on January 6th. And in different information, the FBI arrests the rioter with the handgun, the rioter with the machine gun, the rioter with the shark gun, the rioter with the throwing stars, the rioter with the poison-tipped garden darts, and the rioter with the bomb labeled “Suck On This, Ron Johnson.”

Wednesday Republican governors and Republican-led state legislatures throughout America name for pointless legal guidelines that can make life harder for girls, blacks, Hispanics, LGBTers, sick folks, the unemployed, academics, first responders, minority voters, and metropolis governments. Then they maintain a rally condemning the federal authorities for being too intrusive.

It is St. Patrick’s Day. Please: cross out within the gutter responsibly.

Thursday The republic collapses in chaos and rubble as everybody in America dies of the coronavirus as a result of President Biden went too lengthy with out holding a press convention.

The 2021 NCAA faculty basketball event begins at present. The way it works is, 68 groups are whittled down to at least one. Or, because it’s recognized in New York: Andrew Cuomo’s approval score.

Friday Nothing deliberate. The world’s simply gonna wing it and see what occurs.

Mild refreshments can be served. And now, our characteristic presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, March 15, 2021

Word: Immediately is the Ides of March.  I appear to have misplaced my dagger, so I will need to assassinate you with this toothpick as a substitute.  [Poink! Poink! Poink! Poink! Poink! Poink!]  Sorry, this may take awhile. Whilst you’re ready to shuffle off your mortal coil, please assist your self to a muffin.

By the Numbers:

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12 days!!!

Days ’til the beginning of Passover: 12

P.c of Democrats polled by CBS Information who just like the American Rescue Plan signed into legislation final week by President Biden: 94%

Minimal variety of racist incidents reported by Asian People in 2020, a quantity that’s possible an undercount, in line with Huffington Publish: 2,800

Variety of Republican insurrectionists charged by federal authorities from the Jan. 6 riot up to now: 320

Hours of riot surveillance tape the feds are reviewing: 15,000

P.c of People polled by CNN who disapprove of the response by Republicans in Congress to the riot: 70%

Rank of San Francisco, Portland (OR), and Honolulu among the many finest cities for spring out of doors actions, primarily based on elements like public gardens, bike trails, and walkability in line with LawnStarter: #1, #2, #3

Pet Pic of the Day: A new week begins…

CHEERS to pennies from heaven. [Clackity Clackity Clack Ding!] 140,000 of them, to be exact. That is how I requested my covid aid cash to be delivered Saturday, and the chopper was out and in in a minute flat. (Good dealing with of that joystick, Secretary Yellen.)  Yup, inside hours of President Biden signing the American Rescue Plan Act into legislation, taxpayers started getting their $1,400 direct deposits, and this week checks are flying out the door:

It’s estimated that 85% of People can be eligible for the funds as a part of the $1.9 trillion COVID aid invoice signed by President Joe Biden. The aim is to have hundreds of thousands of the funds disbursed within the subsequent few weeks. […]

Whereas the primary batch of funds began to be processed Friday, extra will roll out within the “coming weeks,” a Treasury official mentioned on a name with reporters Friday.

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In the event that they’d adopted by means of on this, I might’ve framed my examine.

Direct deposits will exit first, however paper checks and debit playing cards will exit earlier than the top of the month. No motion is required for most individuals to obtain the cash. […] The cash is predicted to achieve about 90% of households, in line with an estimate from the Penn Wharton Funds Mannequin.

Most individuals will use the cash on important providers. Or as most former members of the Trump administration name them: authorized protection charges.

JEERS to nonetheless being caught within the tunnel. As President Biden mentioned in his Thursday tackle, there’s plenty of gentle on the finish of it, however for now we’re nonetheless clawing our manner by means of the darkish. So…we proceed our Monday custom of monitoring numbers for the historic report, courtesy of the tote board of woe. Worldwide now: over 117 million circumstances. (Italy is spiking once more, in order that they’re of their third lockdown.)  And though circumstances are slowing down dramatically right here within the States—particularly in nursing houses—our dying toll now practically equals the inhabitants of America’s Thirty third-largest metropolis Tucson, Arizona:

6 months in the past: 6.7 million confirmed circumstances. 198,000 deaths

3 months in the past: 17 million confirmed circumstances. 305,000 deaths

1 month in the past: 28 million confirmed circumstances. 496,000 deaths

This morning: 30 million confirmed circumstances. 546,000 deaths

As for President Biden’s promise to ship 100-million vaccines in his first 100 days, he’s blowing past that goal with out breaking a sweat. Plus he secured a deal for another 100 million vaccines, and now he says that “by July 4 there’s a very good likelihood you, your households and mates will be capable of get collectively in your yard or in your neighborhood and have a cookout on a barbecue and have fun Independence Day.”  Independence from Covid. I actually like his advertising crew.  

CHEERS to the GREAT STATE OF MAINE!!!  We informed Massachusetts to kiss our hineys (properly, the proclamation particularly says “kisseth our hineyeths”) 201 years in the past at present, after which we declared our independence and have become America’s twenty third state, although not below the perfect of circumstances:

Mainers had begun campaigning for statehood within the years following the Revolution.

The Massachusetts legislature lastly consented in 1819. What nobody in both Massachusetts or Maine foresaw, nonetheless, was that Maine‘s quest for statehood would turn out to be entangled in essentially the most divisive challenge in American historical past—slavery.

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True truth: Maine coon cats can develop to be so massive that generally folks saddle them and go for rides in our mountains or on our seashores.

Most Mainers supported abolition. They have been dismayed that their admission to the Union was linked to the admission of Missouri as a slave state. This controversial “Missouri Compromise” preserved—for a number of extra a long time—the fragile stability between pro- and anti-slavery forces within the U.S. Congress.

We have got quite a bit going for us, if I do say so myself.  We’re ruled by a liberal Democrat (the primary girl guv within the Blaine Home, and he or she’s finished an admirable job dealing with the coronavirus disaster up right here). We are the first state within the nation to approve marriage equality by a citizen vote unbiased of the legislature, our surroundings will decrease your stress degree in mere minutes, our lobster melts in your mouth, we’re a nationwide chief in voter turnout, we now have a well-liked new nationwide monument due to former President Obama, and our vitality is getting greener by the day, as is our marijuana business.  So, if it is okay with the remainder of you within the decrease 48, we would like to remain hooked up to the republic for a short time longer.  No less than till Canada makes us a greater supply.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

Joyful Birthday, RBG!

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

“BLECCH” to #7.  Immediately is President Andrew “Outdated Hickory Farms Smoked Sausage” Jackson‘s 254th birthday—born March 15, 1767 in Waxhaw, North Carolina. In some ways he was certifiably nuts (beating folks along with his cane, dueling, the Seminole genocide, believing the earth was flat, I might go on and on however historians have already finished that for me), and in others he was a little bit of a visionary, like when he confronted off towards John Quincy Adams in 1828 and crushed him 187 electoral votes to 83. A part of his secret: he adopted the Howard Dean technique. From Something for A Vote by Joseph Cummins:

Jackson had the instant edge as a result of he understood the necessity for celebration organizations in every state.  (“You need to avail your self of the bodily drive of an organized physique of males,” he informed supporters.)  Quickly “Associates of Jackson” in all elements of the nation have been pushing for Outdated Hickory, the Hero of New Orleans.

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The pistols child Andrew Jackson threatened to make use of towards the physician who slapped his backside within the supply room. 

These “Hurra Boys” wrote political songs, printed pamphlets and attacked Adams with a vengeance.

For those who really feel so moved, pay your respects here.  However for those who choose to spit on the grave as a substitute, you received’t hear me complain.

CHEERS and JEERS to Daylight Saving time.  Lovin’ it as a result of it is nonetheless gentle out at 6 o’clock!  Hatin’ it as a result of, now that it is darkish at wake-up time once more, I get paranoid about oversleeping, so that is my common post-DST sleep cycle:

Zzzzzz…[Jolt awake, check the time]…Zzzzzz…[Jolt awake, check the time]… Zzzzzz…[Jolt awake, check the time]… Zzzzzz…[Jolt awake, check the time]… Zzzzzz…[Jolt awake, check the time]…

It is like being an viewers member at a Mike Pence speech.

Ten years in the past in C&J: March 15, 2011

CHEERS to sitting behind the wheel of the Snowe plow.  That is so cute: Maine’s senior senator is up for reelection subsequent 12 months, and the teahadists are swarming—it will appear that, as a result of she’s keen to work with Democrats 1 p.c of the time, she’s 100 percent unacceptable.  So that they’re trotting out a wacky gaggle of main challengers whose most important declare to fame is they will placed on their socks with out help.  Only one downside: if Snowe have been to lose the first, she might carry out the Lieberman Maneuver by going unbiased…and cleaning their clocks.  The one manner a Democrat wins is that if she drops out altogether, which I nonetheless suppose she may.  But when she stays in, anticipate to see the perimeter proper get rope-a-doped fairly soundly. Cue the unhappy face sporting the sharp hat:  <:-(

3/15/21 Replace: Snowe, seeing the writing on the wall, retired from the Senate in 2013 and was changed by Unbiased Angus King, who caucuses with Democrats and is extensively considered as being one of many smartest and most credible senators at present. Cue the comfortable face sporting the sharp hat: <:-)

And only one extra…

CHEERS to the pre-the-envelopes-please envelopes, please.  The Academy Award nominations will—lastly—be introduced this morning round 8:30ET. It’s only a bizarre 12 months this 12 months, provided that the pandemic shut down film theaters for practically all of 2020 and plenty of the films anticipated to win nods are protected by a dozen streaming service paywalls. So we’ll have to attend and see. Within the meantime, we have simply obtained this breaking information from the C&J anchor desk:

One night time in Miami—or perhaps it was in Palm Springs—a promising younger girl, or at the very least items of a lady, went with Borat to the promenade, however they left early as a result of, as a substitute of soul, the one factor the DJ would play was some hillbilly elegy by Da 5 Bloods.

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How white will this 12 months’s crop be? Keep tuned.

So that they attached with Mank and the daddy (whose life was on the rocks) and went to watch what was occurring on the trial of the Chicago Seven (to not be confused with The USA vs. Billie Vacation). It was so massive that it made the information of the world, though issues bought a bit boring when the decide began reminiscing concerning the private historical past of David Copperfield.

However then—the sound of metallic! Seems that Judas and the Black Messiah bought into an argument concerning the dimension of Ma Rainey’s black backside. However they shortly resolved their variations and went out for a beer in Nomadland. As a result of, on the finish of the day, it is the little issues.

Movie at 11.

Have a tolerable Monday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at present?

Immediately’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Invoice—you appear to be a ‘fake’ kiddie pool splasher. You don’t even appear actual.

Greg Kelly